Why’d the Fried McPie Die?

If you were born after 1995 in the United States — you’ll have no idea what the heck this post is about.  You’ll also have no idea what this joke means either:

(PsstWhen the tape would get unwound, an inserted pencil into the spool could tighten it up again)

But in 1992, the fast-food chain that brought you the “2 all-beef patty, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame-seed bun“, the Hambugular & Grimace made a TRAGIC error amidst the ‘nutrition-craze‘ of the 90’s (see: Kentucky Fried Chicken moniker switch to ‘KFC‘).

They ceased FRYING their Apple and Cherry Pies.

So instead of their pies looking like this:

They now looked like this:

Look at that smug, baked pie.  With all its fancy, schmancy ‘vents’ to cool down the filling.

With the Fried Pies, the steam stayed locked inside the shell until you bit in.  The tender insides of your mouth were scorched with 1st degree burns and all was right with the world.

There was something about the crunchy, blistered, bubbled texture of the fried pastry, mixed with the piping-hot filling that made it simply… incredible.

Taco Bell’s current Apple Empanada is somewhat close — but the shape and textures are just off.

Apparently, most McDonald’s overseas still fry theirs but I’m not about to pay $1,000+ in airfare for that kind of fix — I think heroin might be cheaper.

There are DIY recipes online.  But I just wanna pay my dollar for someone else to make two of ’em and be on my merry way – is that so much to ask?

With the McRib and Shamrock Shake making annual, ‘For a Limited Time’ appearances — why can’t the ‘Fried Pie’!?!  WHY?

The owner of this site (click the McApple) discovered that although 90% of McDonald’s bake their pies, smaller stores that didn’t have room to retrofit the pie oven —  are STILL frying their pies!

While writing this post, I’ve scoured the Fried McApple Pie Locator (yes, you can find anything online) — but in making several calls, I came to find out the ones within a 50-mile radius have since either installed the oven or shut down.

But that’s not the most infuriating part of this tale.

In doing some digging into the nutritional values of both pies, I’ve made a troubling discovery.

The FRIED PIES were in fact, HEALTHIER than the BAKED PIES !!!

The Baked Pies contain more calories, double the saturated fat, double the sugar, more sodium and more carbs.  The only saving graces of the baked ones are that they’re fortified with vitamins, calcium and iron — but seriously, who the heck’s seeking out a McPie to be their daily supplement?  Go to a GNC.

So in short, the pie exchange was all for naught!!!

If anyone can verify a FRIED Apple/Cherry pie in any Southern California McDonald’s — please let me know!!

And then if you hear in the local news that evening about someone walking into a McDonald’s and purchasing 20 pies — know that it was me.

Geez, my very first question to the McDonald’s peeps when I was shooting my commercial should’ve been requesting a list of remaining fried pie stores.

Man, I’m an idiot.

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4 thoughts on “Why’d the Fried McPie Die?

  1. That’s funny–I didn’t even know about this switch because the few times I’ve gone to mcdonalds here recently (in Hawaii), the pies have always been fried. I’ll be sad when we finally catch up to the mainland!

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